Four sissy turf sprints and two dirt races with fields of six and five (races two and three). I'll have more horses pulling the wagon I'm going to fall off of after I go shopping at the beer docks in the morning.

Hey, I need a thrill and some action off the freshening. My days of fast cars and fast women seem to be over and the old gals on the bus just don't get the job done.

Look for Fast and Firm but not on the bus.

You want action? Either get laid, or wait for next Friday's opening day at the Spa.

The card stinks, and the weekend isn't much better. With dollars and deuces, you're better off taking a sojourn to the library, tending to the garden, and snapping XXX-rated photos of pussy, and saving the action for Saratoga.

Bottom line, there's no real shot at a score playing thundering 5-and-6 horse fields at Belmont.

I hear you brother Tim and the spirit of Saratoga has grabbed my old gonads but with six days of racing and thousand-dollar bribes offered by NYRA for every Saratoga finisher 6th and beyond for the entire meet I feel a letdown coming.

Perhaps, but unless we get a wash-out next Friday (which looking at Accweather 8 days out, is a possibility ), you can bet that there won't be thundering herds of five on Opening Day.