I think I'm coming into the 21st century. About a year ago I got me a Jitterbug OFFP (Old Fart Flip Phone). It was cheap and if you want to make a phone call you turn it on and it gives you dial tone over the speaker. I wanted it especially for picking up the wife at airports after her travels. There's a free "cell phone" parking lot at JFK and I park there until the wife calls me and I can cruise the terminal to pick her up without paying for parking. And it was good to have for my voyages out to the VA Hospital in Northport in case the car failed or I needed to get in touch with the wife about a delay in coming home. I last used the phone in May, 2018 at JFK and it worked just fine. It sleeps 99% of the time.

The teen bride pushing 65 has told me that the Smart Phone will not sound "dial tone" no matter how many dimes I try to push a dime into it if I want to make a call. She's a Mommy and I used to be a little boy so she's going to teach me how to use the Smart Phone. My understanding is that I will be able to get into the WiFi at my house and play a horse even with a minute to post if I'm sitting and moaning in the bathroom with my Smart Phone.

All laughs aside, "Hi-Tech" when I was a boy was the old man dialing in some horse bets and then catching the results on the radio many hours later.

They do take a bit of getting used to. Just keep repeating, over, and over: I am smarter than this GD smart phone.

So far the phone has picked up a radio station out of Knoxville and a Nigerian lawyer. Still no dial tone.