Some years back I installed a light fixture in the kitchen that had CFL lamps in it that were all loaded up with poisonous mercury that shed light lousier than a fart set to a match. Years earlier when John went off to the Army the bride turned his 9X9 bedroom into a den (her's) and had me install a complex ceiling fan with small and special incandescent light bulbs that couldn't light up the insides of a pair of drawers.

This week the busty teen bride of almost 43 years purchased two expensive LED fixtures that toss off the light equivalent of 110 watts from an old incandescent bulb. The thing in the kitchen is a beauty as I can now see my corn flakes at 4:30 in the morning after I have fed the cats.

Yesterday I was up on a ladder trying to remember what I did all those years ago to install that enormous ceiling fan and those stinky attached light fixture gizmos that were attached to it in the den. I finally got it down and installed the new LED fixture. LEDs are not new. Indicator lights on primitive computers and modems via light-emitting diodes have been available since the 1970s but they can now light up your home.

So what's the problem? Last night on her first night in the den with her PC and books the overhead LED fixture was too bright and bothering her. She felt terrible about all the work I did as an old-fart worthless husband on a ladder to bring down the ceiling fan horror and install the fixture for her. Her green Irish eyes were glassy with tears.

I hugged the girl that is the mother of my son and told her that the LED fixture she purchased works great on a dimmer switch and we now have a date to go to Home Depot on Sunday to buy one. I can swap out the toggle on the wall to a dimmer in about 15 minutes. Zero light to bright light on the twist of some fingers from her left hand (she's a southpaw and so is our son and so was my sister). The wife is going to be happy and I'm going to be happier because she's going to happy. I like Mary a little bit.

No good deed goes unpunished. Dimmer switch #1 from Lutron via China was defective and the box in the wall underneath the paneling was too small in depth for the bulk of a dimmer switch. I had to cut down the old 1947 wiring and make alterations to the box.

My 15 minute switch swap took two days and some hours of creative electrical work, not to mention a second trip to Home Depot. As all homeowners know when tackling a job - nothing is square, nothing is level and nothing is easy. And nothing new fits into something old.

The new dimmer switch is in and the wife is happy again. She even learned some new foul rants I haven't uttered since my service days when I was battling the box in the wall.

At the least you CAN repair/substitute the "old"

The wife/girl here is appreciative for anything done for her. And then she returns the favor many times over.

She's still the sweet 16-year-old Catholic high school girl (Dominican Commercial, Jamaica, Queens) that her Marine father introduced me to in 1970 when I was 22.