I'm reading a lot about fires in NYC in which people die by smoke inhalation before the firemen can get to them. It happens as well on Long Island. Most people get carried out dead with no burns from a place that had no smoke detectors or worse - because some clown yanked the battery or didn't replace a spent battery.

I have smoke detectors in my shack. My wife made me install them just a couple of years ago. They scream with an ear-piercing noise but that's still better than being cooked or going down from lack of oxygen when it's too late.

Years ago I had a UL-approved heavy-duty extension cord driving a small-room air conditioner. It failed and began to smoke. I was 10 feet away from it and if I didn't smell the insulation burning my home could have burned down with everybody in it. If it had happened in the middle of the night I might not be posting now.

One time my waste basket erupted in flames and I was drunk on beer so I simply pissed it out.

Seriously, take care of the home. A minute or two or three lead time means everything in a fire.

You would need to haul my sorry ass out of a fire when I had a few. There isn't any noise known to man that could wake me after a 12 pack.

I heard a lady fart not long ago. I have been trained since the early 1950s by my mother, my sister, and later on by my wife that girls do not fart. Only guys let a beauty loose and then yell, "Oh Yeah! Just try to top that one!"

Girls do not ever become drunk either. Girls only become tired after swilling booze.

Can't fart, can't get loaded. I have no idea why guys like girls.

The smoke detector is the only way I know my dinner is done.

When my wife goes up the ladder to replace the battery on the smoke detector for the kitchen ceiling it's the only opportunity I have to peek up her skirt. Twice a year when the clocks change.

At least we're still laughing here and that's OK.

The deal about the burned dinner was a tremendous laugh.