When I was a little boy going to bed safe and sound my mother would hug and love me and often say, "Good night! Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite!" That was more than half a century ago. And I miss her. My mother would have been 92 on September 14th.

As a G.I. I had stuff crawling on me while in the field but you could flick the critters off and only leeches were a pissoff if you caught one or two or more while plodding through water or if one dropped on you from above. They are painless while sucking your blood and a Zippo gets them to withdraw, crawl in a ball and drop off of you. You can catch a nasty infection, however, if you pull on them and leave their pincers inside your arm or leg or wherever the damn thing is.

Bed Bugs are a different ballgame. This country is invaded by them from coast to to coast and you can thank the Chinese imports and the illegal alien invasion from the third world.

I still have never seen a bed bug after 62 years on this planet but some pricey stores in Manhattan, including Victoria's Secret, have been shut down by them. Last week I read that the Empire State Building had them crawling around.

Well, tonight the bride tells me that her place of work, the World Financial Center, has them and that the building is going on lockdown over the weekend for a massive fumigation.

I offered to trade her an STD for some bugs but all I got was a punch in the snoot.

On a serious note, I understand that my once-great nation is crawling into the crapper with the Global Economy and the political correctness and the Apology Tours and spending by my president but what I do not understand is why my fellow countrymen are so slow to wake up.

Dr Oz did a show on them today, and even though I have never seen one it left my skin crawling. Many public buildings around the country have been infested. The next millionare will be the one who comes up with a quick fix to the epidemic.

My understanding is that bed bugs are clean critters and are not known to carry any nasty diseases. They bite you and suck a tiny bit of blood while you sleep. You don't know about it until you wake up with some red dots on your body.

They are a horrible nuisance but not life-threatening. The great big pissoff is that they breed worse than mice and just a few traveling with you from a workplace can have your home infested in a heartbeat.

Your dog or cat can't get them and the next thing you know you're throwing stuff out and blowing a grand or so to have your house fumigated with no guarantee they won't return.

Jeez, we used to bitch about lice (ball bunnies) and other things when I was a G.I. but they were easy to get rid of and you weren't going home to Mom or your wife that day. This infestation now is a big deal and it's everywhere - coast to coast.

Amazingly, I'm reading about dogs trained to sniff bed bugs. I know well that some dogs have a nose that can catch a scent from somebody who has farted a hundred yards away outdoors on a windy day but there are dogs rolling around in New York (lots of Beagles) that can sniff out bed bugs and they are in high demand. A dog, whose nose is almost a thousand times more sensitive than a human nose, can be trained to ignore every scent except the one that his handler is looking for. Yup, there are "bed bug dogs" and they're making money in New York these days.

4 years ago in a Mariott in Fla I was the proud victim of an early bed bug infestation..Ended up sleeping in a chair and in the morning went to the front desk and asked for the manager. I was told he was busy and would be with me in a few minutes. They asked what I was there for..When I said the magic word the Manager almost fell out of the ceiling and on my lap..I was whisked to a private room retold my horrific nite's story and was promised instant gratification...I was late for a meeting and left. When I returned that nite there was a sealed containment sign on my door. I went to the front desk and was told I was correct the room was being treated. All my possesions had been removed and replaced exactly in their spots in an indetical clean room AFTER being drycleaned for containmnet purposes..There was a bottle of red win and a card from the manager informing me of their desire to add 50k points to my account and comp my stay for the week..That was 4 years ago. Today they hose you down in the lobby and send you on your way. The third world terror colonies have sent us all sorts of good things.Mexican druglords..middle eastern amateur pilots and opium producers..and the bed bug who is becoming public enemy numero uno.

The ONLY time I encountered bed bugs was at the Excelsior Hotel in Rome. Before the current epidemic.

I had no idea what they were but they bit hubby and I in the area where your butt ends and the top of your leg begins. Woke up with little red marks there...UGH!

Never had "another meeting" with these bed bugs and I have been a "world traveler"
Once was enough!

From today's paper:

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/201 ... loody.html

Lord, would this be a nightmare. Nasty looking thing that he is!!!

Nike provides free bedbugs with all of it's running shoes.

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/201 ... ttan_.html